is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
