so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
