my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
