So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i dont even know how to be here
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
