Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
