What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
