Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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