im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
