who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
