You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
