I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
