I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i think i have two assholes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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