we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
