real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
