So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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