Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
