I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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