you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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