...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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