Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
