All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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