maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
