p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
