You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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