i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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