so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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