...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
