did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
