You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
