at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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