i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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