im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
