i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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