I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
