oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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