You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
