It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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