im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
