i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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