We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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