Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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