yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
