Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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