he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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