we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
