I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
