is wine microwaveable?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
