Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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