Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
