so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
worst night to have a conscience
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
