he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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