mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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