3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
