You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
