Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
