Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
