I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
