I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Drunk is not a location!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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