You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
