i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
