It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
