tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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