Just fell off a train. Bad.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
