I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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