well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
