Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
