What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
