I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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