my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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