so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
