A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
