i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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