And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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