I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
